The world is a strange, confusing, and sad place sometimes. It's amazing how God puts people or things in your life whether directly or indirectly to make an impact on you. It never ceases to amaze me how much we learn from one another about our selves. I have learned so much over the past few weeks about how much being a mother really truly means to me. I think it's one of those things that can be taken for granted at times for those of us who don't suffer from infertility or are faced with the loss of a child. There is one little girl about to lose her life to cancer and she means the world to me... I've never even met her. She's taught me to be a better mother, more patient and understanding. She's taught me not to take things for granted and appreciate folding a load of laundry ELEVENTYBILLION times because The Muffin thinks it's fun to grab things and run away. I want to snuggle her more cloesly and more often, I want to spend more meaningful time with her and less time at work. I cherish every smile, every "mean face", every squeal... everything. Her mother has taught me what strength is and what a true, unwaivering faith in GOD looks like. I can't even begin to imagine what this family is going through but I do pray for their peace and their daughters comfort. Thank you for sharing your daughters story, she's touched so many.

A fabulous cup of coffee
A good conversation with a girlfriend
Ridiculously long hot baths
Snuggling up with a good book, glass of wine and my husband by my side
Each and every one of my eyeshadows
Craving something, eating it, and loving every moment
The quiet moments with my husband when we just look at eachother
Elle's pigtails
Laughing so hard you cry and then it hurts
Interpritave dance in the car with my sister
Tea in any form
The way you feel after Yoga
A few quiet minutes in the day to my self to just be
Hearing "that song" that makes you want to get up and dance
Making someone feel good about themself though make up
Hearing Elle laugh
Learning something new
Pictures

I've realized that lately I've been enjoying less of the little things in life and spending way too much time worrying and stressing about the bigger things in life that I can't control anyway. I'm not spending enough time doing any of the above things and I realized this last night when I was laughing so hard I was crying, and then it hurt and thinking to myself that it had been such a long time since I had laughed that hard. Then I couldn't even remember the last time I'd laughed so hard... and it made me sad. My goal for myself is to focus on the joy the little things bring me and make sure to really live and be in the present. You can't possibly enjoy these things when you are so worried about 5,10,15 minutes, days, weeks, months from now.

There is kind of this point in your life where who you are and who you want to be start to battle it out for the prime possition. The problem is that Im still trying to figure out what this end result is supposed to be. It's somewhere between extraordinary wife, super mom and ideal employee in an industry I never felt I fit the bill for.

I'm the type that hates to make mistakes or do something wrong which usually ends up making my life harder because it limits my growth potential. It's been hard for me to let that go but I'm really working towards it. I'm trying to let the art and soul take over which is what I fell in love with in the first place. I can't be so focused on the tangibles because they will come on their own when I shed myself of their stress.

I know exactly what needs to be done but I don't quite know how to do it. It's the part of who I am struggling so hard against who I will become. I'm driven and I'm determined. I will get there!

- N via iPhone

Today was one of those days that by the end of it you are emotionally spent but all you can do is lay in bed thinking about the stupid day when all you want is to go to sleep so the day can be over.

Truth be told, I'm having a harder time readjusting to being back home than I did adjusting to the Arizona move. It's really hard to leave your life that you made for yourself to go back to the place you were trying to escape from in the first place. We've been here for 6 months and one would think it would start to get easier but I find myself getting frustrated and stressed out over little things. Work is just that, work. My paasion for my job is fading and I'm feeling really uninspired right now. I'm really hoping that Monday brings new light to my eyes and helps to get me out of my funk.

I recently made a commitment to one of my trainers to start working towards my lesson certification as well as my advanced make up certification and I'm almost embarassed to see her next week knowing how I feel right now. I have so much going on in my head that I have this creative block right now.

I need to figure myself out. I see some heavy meditation in my future.

- N via iPhone